neon death parade

the FINAL FANTASY XIII drinking game

Rules I have made up so far: (will probably be amended as I see more of the game)

Take a shot

• Lightning tries to runs off ahead of whoever she’s with.
• Hope drops to his knees in whiny emokid despair.
• Hope buries his face in his arms.
• Hope shrieks in terror and tries to ditch the party.
• Sazh klutzes out.
• Vanille poses/moves/dances like an idol. (For the uninformed, think of a twentysomething behaving as if she was still “Mommy’s favorite eight-year-old ballerina”.) I won’t count the way she runs since I don’t want anyone to get alcohol poisoning.

Take a sip

• Snow bangs on about protecting something. (listen for any form of the phrase mamoru, or look for the kanji 守)
• Hope starts a sentence but doesn’t have the balls to finish it.
• Vanille makes some completely unnecessary “cute” sound while exerting effort.
• Vanille tries to cheer the party up.
• Someone mentions the l’Cie’s Focus. (listen for the phrase shimei, or look for the kanji 使命)
• The camera focuses on someone’s hand(s).
• …if they’re making/tightening a fist, take another sip.

Toast someone and cheer

• Lightning hits Snow.
• The best character in the game pops out of Sazh’s afro.

epic fail mickey

So like a lot of people, I heard about the new Mickey Mouse game. I saw some of the concept art and heard that Mickey was going back to his more mischevious days and that you were gonna get to manipulate your surroundings with a paintbrush, and got hype.

Man, was I mistaken.
Turns out this game is all about ‘TUDE (check out those scowls!) and “moral choices”.

…I don’t think I’ll ever get over this “morality” thing, having watched cartoons before political correctness hit. I remember when Daffy Duck could blow himself and The Little Man From The Draft Board to hell, literally—and rather than po-faced navelgazing about “how our choices have consequences for those around us”, people just laughed.

Y’know, like they were supposed to.

Warren Spector may be a Disney aficionado—but like every other suit working for the company, he doesn’t actually understand what made the old cartoons appealing. Gross cash-in that Kingdom Hearts may be, they at least kept the Disney characters sorta intact. Even Goofy and Donald (in the role of the hero’s sidekicks) didn’t end up that warped, come to think of it.

This? This sounds like LOONATICZ all over again.

(FFFFFF just the few glances I got of the Loonatics wikipedia page while I was figuring out what to link to made me want to puke. Slam Tasmanian? Electro J. Fudd? Ophiuchus Sam? Are you motherfucking kidding me?!)